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I’m not 100 per cent sure yet, but I suspect my fiance and I won’t\u00a0be getting married later this\u00a0year. I’m starting to suffer from some serious nerves and, frankly, I think I was\u00a0mistaken in saying ‘yes’ as quickly as I did. But how\u00a0do I go about cancelling my wedding? And how am I going to tell my friends and family?<\/p>\n
Oh, I’m so, so sorry to hear about your predicament. What a painful time it must be for you and your fiance. Having been there, I understand all too well, but I also understand it’s best couples\u00a0address any issues before<\/em> <\/strong>you both walk down the aisle.<\/p>\n As frightening and surreal as it may feel right now, cancelling a wedding is far less problematic than cancelling a marriage,\u00a0which is not only a painful affair, it’s also a lengthy legal one.<\/p>\n Personally, I\u2019ve never cancelled a wedding, though I did once cancel an engagement of many years – and it was a decision made after plenty\u00a0of thought and lots of really honest conversation. Looking back years later, it was also the right thing to do.<\/p>\n There were oceans\u00a0of tears on both sides but the short-term heartbreak\u00a0paid off in the long term and we’re both really, really happy now with partners\u00a0more suited\u00a0to the people we have become! It may sound trite, but it’s absolutely true.<\/p>\n The thing is, you’re going to have to have that<\/em> conversation. From the sounds of it, you know what you want or, more precisely, what you do not\u00a0want, but does your partner feel the same way – or even know how you’re feeling?<\/p>\n Is it just pre-wedding nerves on your side or are your feelings indicative of a\u00a0deeper problem with your relationship?<\/p>\n Before considering whether to cancel the wedding, you have to be 100 per cent sure that you want to call it off because, though I’ve heard of couples who’ve remained together after a cancelled wedding, such a move\u00a0usually spells the end of a\u00a0relationship.<\/p>\n So, the first step is evaluating your relationship and figuring out if you want to exit it or just postpone the wedding, and then talking with your partner about whatever conclusion you come to.<\/p>\n If you’ve already done this\u00a0and you’re both in agreement that the wedding is to be cancelled, the next thing to do,\u00a0of course, is to inform\u00a0friends and family.<\/p>\n Who you tell and in what order depends on your relationships, but parents (or any children you may have together) are, typically, the first to be told, then close family, close friends and, of course, your bridal party.<\/p>\n Where possible, sit down with them face-to-face and just tell them – straight. Explain that it was a difficult decision, one you made together but didn’t make lightly.<\/p>\n Hopefully, being your nearest and dearest, they’ll understand and support you in your decision. After all, they’re only interested in your happiness and, if calling off the wedding is a route to that, they’ll support you all the way.<\/p>\n Both of you should be present for these\u00a0conversations (again, where possible), just as both of you should help in the overall winding up of your wedding, which is too difficult and painful a task for only one of you to bear, so ensure it’s a joint effort.<\/p>\n That said, if one party isn’t happy with the cancellation, you may find yourself having to do\u00a0it alone.<\/p>\n You’ll also have to tell your guests who may have booked annual leave or flights or paid for dresses and presents. This includes the guests who’ve RSVP’d ‘no’ to the wedding as they’ll probably still want to send you a wedding present\u00a0and, well, if they’re invited to your wedding, they’re probably important enough to you that they should\u00a0be informed.<\/p>\n Wording along the lines of what’s written below will suffice:<\/p>\n “We regret to inform you that John Nguyen and Jane Roteski\u00a0have called-off\u00a0their engagement and, as such, their\u00a0wedding has been cancelled. We sincerely apologise for any inconvenience caused and we thank you for your\u00a0understanding at this difficult time.”<\/em><\/p>\n Also, depending on how far down the wedding planning route you are – and what you’ve already paid for, you will need to contact any vendors you’ve hired, such as venues <\/a>or photographers <\/a>or celebrants <\/a>and inform them of the situation.<\/p>\n