Calling all lovebirds and budding wordsmiths! Let’s talk about one of the most romantic and intimate parts of your wedding ceremony: writing your own wedding vows. This is arguably the most important part of your celebration. Sure, it can be a bit daunting to put your love and commitment into words. Don’t worry; we’ve got your back. With this fun guide, you’ll be on your way to crafting the perfect vows in no time.
For this article, we’ve called in the big guns: our trusted and top-ranked Easy Weddings celebrants from around the country. They’ve shared their favourite pearls of wisdom, tips, and tricks for vows that will make your guests cry and laugh in all the right ways.
Knowing if you want to write personal vows, stick to the legal requirements, or meet in the middle is a personal choice. Sharing your innermost thoughts and declaring your love can be daunting at the best of times — especially in front of a crowd of your closest friends and family. While this is a decision that only you and your partner can make, an experienced celebrant can guide you through the process and provide invaluable inspiration.
Let’s dive in! Remember, your wedding vows should reflect your unique relationship and promises to one another. There’s no need to worry about being a literary genius or a poet — just speak from the heart and, of course, trust your celebrant.
Start early
The saying goes, “Time flies when you’re having fun!” Planning a wedding is no exception. Before you know it, you’ll be at the altar, ready to exchange your vows with your partner. That’s why it’s a great idea to start early by jotting down dot points in your phone’s notes app as they come to you. As Queensland celebrant Lauren Bridge advises, starting early and keeping a list of ideas will make the vow-writing process much more manageable.
By writing down your thoughts and ideas as they come to you, you can avoid the panic of trying to come up with something the week (or night!) before. You may find yourself inspired by a conversation, a song, or a memory, and by having your phone handy, you can quickly jot down a few words or phrases that capture that inspiration. Over time, you can use these dot points to build your vows, adding and refining until you have something that truly represents your love and commitment to your partner.
Write in your authentic voice
As Sydney celebrant Carla Davern says, it’s crucial to “keep it real” when putting together your wedding vows. “Use your own authentic voice and language. You should talk to each other at the altar in the way you talk to each other in life.” Avoid trying to sound overly poetic or grandiose — if that’s not your usual style of romance.
Instead, focus on highlighting everything you love about your partner with specific examples. Think about what makes your relationship unique and what qualities your partner possesses that you admire. Use anecdotes or inside jokes that only the two of you would understand to add a personal touch. Keep in mind that your vows should be a genuine expression of your love and commitment to one another, so don’t be afraid to be vulnerable and open with your words.
Seek inspiration
As Rosalie from Celebrations by Rosalie advises, “Allow yourself to be inspired and embrace the process. Make sure you ask your celebrant of choice lots of questions — we’re here to help!” The perfect celebrant will guide the vows’ structure, tone, and content, and help you find inspiration in your unique love story.
Another source of inspiration is social media, where couples can find countless examples of heartfelt and creative wedding vows. However, as Carla Davern notes, “What rings true for one person might be another person’s idea of horrible! It’s all about choosing what feels right for you.”
Attending other weddings as a guest can provide inspiration and insight into what works (and what doesn’t) in wedding vows. By gathering inspiration from various sources, couples can create vows that are personal, memorable, and authentic to their relationship.
Be sure to add an “I love you”
When it comes to writing personal wedding vows, it’s easy to get caught up in the details and forget what really matters: expressing your love for your partner. Lauren Bridge states, “You would be surprised how many people overlook the simple ‘I love you.’ Sometimes just those three words make the best closing statement for your personal vows.”
Rosalie from Celebrations by Rosalie agrees, “Write a love story to each other! That’s what this time of the day is for.” Remember that your vows are a declaration of your love and commitment to your partner, and including those three powerful words can make all the difference.
Be brutal in your editing
When it comes to the length of vows, our expert celebrants agree: less is more. “Two to three minutes is actually quite a long time,” says Melbourne celebrant Paul Bonadio of The Stand-Up Celebrant. “Any more than that, and you can get a lot of repetition. Your guests’ attention might start to fade.”
Lauren Bridge wholeheartedly agrees, “You really have to be a bit cutthroat with what you include in your vows. I will never explicitly insist that a couple cut down their vows, but a meaningful alternative is to include some of the sentiments in a romantic love letter to be read later on.”
Remember: your vows don’t have to encompass everything you feel for your partner. That would be very tricky. “Don’t put so much pressure on yourself!” says Paul Bonadio. “Simply do your best in both the writing and speaking of your vows.”
Be sure to share with your celebrant
“Make sure you loop your celebrant in on your vows!” insists Paul Bonadio. “They’ll be able to give the feedback you need to ensure your vows work well together — you don’t want one partner with one paragraph vows and the other writing endless Shakespearean sonnets.”
Sharing your vows with your celebrant can be an excellent way to get an outside opinion and to ask any questions you might have. Firstly, your celebrant has likely officiated many weddings and has experience with different types of vows. They can offer guidance on the structure, tone, and content of your vows to ensure that they are appropriate for your ceremony.
Secondly, your celebrant can provide feedback on the length of your vows. Remember that a wedding ceremony is usually only 30 minutes long. You don’t want your vows to take up too much time. Your celebrant can help you edit your vows to ensure that they are concise and meaningful.
Embrace the emotion
Speaking from the heart and allowing yourself to be emotional in your wedding vows is a powerful way to express your love to your partner. Your vows are a personal expression of your feelings, and it’s important to let your true emotions shine through. As Rosalie of Celebrations by Rosalie explains, “Your ceremony really is the most important part of the celebration. Embrace the meaning and allow yourself to be a bit emotional.” This is especially true when it comes to your vows. When you speak from the heart and allow yourself to be emotional, you create a truly memorable moment that will stay with you and your partner forever.
Consider alternatives
Does the idea of sharing your personal vows with your friends and family make you break out in a cold sweat? Does the thought of public speaking instantly transport you back to high school?
“The last five years, there have been more couples steering clear of personalised vows. It’s a very personal thing to share your feelings about your partner, especially if you’re not used to expressing yourself in that way,” says Carla Dalvern.
Thankfully, there are lots of personalised alternatives you can opt for. Lauren Bridge shares some of her favourites below:
- Read your vows to each other after the ceremony, just in the presence of each other. This is also a beautiful moment to include your photographer.
- Exchange personal vows on the morning of your wedding.
- Write out personal vows and exchange them with your partner. You can each pick a small section that is your favourite to be read by your celebrant at the ceremony.
