Silly season fights and how to avoid them

Ahh, it’s the most wonderful time of the year. Exchanging meaningful gifts with your significant other, sharing delicious festive food, and visiting your respective families to engage in time-honoured traditions. It truly is all fruit mince pies and tinsel. What about when things start to go awry though?

From juggling family obligations to navigating differing gifting styles, Christmas can sometimes feel more like a festive obstacle course than a holiday. Here’s a light-hearted look at some of the common challenges couples face during the silly season—and how to keep the connection strong when the pressure’s on.

The “Your Family’s Christmas or Mine”

For many couples, the biggest question of the season isn’t what to buy your partner or how to avoid burning the Christmas pudding—it’s whose family to spend the day with.

If your families live in different towns (or worse, different states), figuring out travel plans can feel like a strategic military operation. Even if they live in the same city, deciding where to go for lunch, dinner, or that afternoon gift exchange can be a tricky balancing act. Whichever choice you make, someone might end up feeling left out.

Pro tip? Start the conversation early. Whether it’s alternating years, splitting the day, or hosting your own festive gathering, a little planning can go a long way in keeping the peace—and ensuring you both enjoy the day.

How to Handle It:

• Plan Early. Talk about your plans well ahead of the holidays. This allows time to coordinate with family and avoids last-minute arguments.
• Alternate Years. If possible, establish a pattern where you visit one family this year and the other next year. It keeps things fair and removes some of the decision-making stress.
• Split the Day (Smartly). If alternating years isn’t an option, divide your time thoughtfully. For instance, you might spend Christmas Eve with one family and Christmas Day with the other. Just ensure you don’t over-schedule yourself—no one wants to spend Christmas Day in a car!
• Host Your Own Christmas. Take control of the situation by hosting the festivities at your place. While it’s extra work, it puts you in charge of the dynamics and lets both families come together.
• Be Honest. If seeing both families isn’t possible, communicate openly. Let your family know that your decision isn’t about favouritism but about what works best for you as a couple.

The “Holiday Regression”

Ah, the magic of returning home for Christmas—the nostalgia, the decorations, the inexplicable urge to act like your teenage self. It’s not uncommon to see fully-grown adults revert to their childhood habits during the holidays, whether it’s squabbling with siblings over Monopoly or expecting their mum to handle their laundry again.

If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone. Christmas regression is a thing, and it can sometimes put a strain on even the most solid relationships. If your normally independent partner suddenly relies on their mum for every decision, or if you find yourself bickering over whose turn it is to set the table, take a deep breath. A little humour (and patience) can go a long way in navigating these seasonal quirks.

How to Handle It:

• Acknowledge It. The first step is to recognise what’s happening. Talk to your partner about how being back at home can stir up old dynamics. Sometimes, just acknowledging that regression is normal and temporary can reduce its impact.
• Set Boundaries Beforehand. Before the family festivities begin, have a conversation about boundaries. For example, agree that you’ll divide your time between family activities and couple time, or set limits on how much involvement others have in your decisions (e.g., “Yes, Mum, we can do lunch at 1 pm, but we’re heading out for a walk after”).
• Use Code Words. Create a lighthearted code word or phrase to signal when things are getting overwhelming or when one of you is slipping into old habits. For example, “Are you a teenager again?” could be a humorous way to gently point it out.
• Step Away When Needed. If tensions are running high, suggest a short walk or errand together to regroup. Stepping out of the environment, even briefly, can give you both a chance to reset.
• Focus on the Positive. Take time to appreciate the quirks of family life and the festive atmosphere, even if it feels a bit chaotic. If regression is bringing up tension, try to find moments of gratitude or humour—like laughing together over how your partner always falls for their sibling’s pranks.

The “Misaligned Gift Expectations”

While some people thrive on finding the perfect gift, others see Christmas shopping as a stressful chore. This mismatch can lead to everything from raised eyebrows at lavish purchases to disappointment when a gift feels impersonal or rushed.

The key to avoiding disappointment? Talk about your expectations. Are you both on the same page about gift budgets? Do you prefer sentimental gestures over flashy surprises? By aligning your gifting styles early on, you can avoid those awkward moments under the tree.

How to Handle It:

• Have a Gifting Chat. Before the season starts, discuss how you each feel about gifts. Agree on a budget, general expectations, and any “no-go” zones (like gag gifts or overly practical items).
• Focus on Thoughtfulness. If your partner loves lavish gifts but you prefer to keep things low-key, look for meaningful alternatives. A photo book of your year together or a handwritten letter can have just as much impact as an expensive watch.
• Set a Budget Together. Agreeing on a price range for gifts can ease financial stress and ensure you’re on the same page. It doesn’t have to be an exact amount, but knowing you’re both working within the same ballpark can prevent mismatched expectations.
• Consider Experience-Based Gifts. Sometimes, the best gifts aren’t things but shared moments. Plan something you’ll enjoy together, like a couples’ cooking class or a surprise weekend getaway.
• Express Gratitude. Even if the gift isn’t what you expected, remember to acknowledge the effort your partner put in. A heartfelt “thank you” goes a long way in keeping the holiday spirit alive.

Ways to reconnect with your partner this Christmas

Even when the Christmas chaos is in full swing, there are ways to prioritise your relationship and enjoy the season together:

• Take time for the two of you. Amidst family commitments and social events, carve out time for just the two of you. Whether it’s a festive stroll, a romantic picnic, or simply curling up to watch a holiday movie, make space for connection.
• Try an experience-based gift. Instead of focusing solely on material gifts, plan something meaningful, like a cooking class or a weekend getaway. These shared experiences create lasting memories and help you reconnect.
• Communicate your feelings. Feeling overwhelmed or undervalued? Speak up. Whether it’s about family plans, gift ideas, or holiday stress, open and honest communication is the best way to stay on the same page.
• Share traditions—and make new ones! Celebrate the traditions that matter most to each of you, but don’t be afraid to start your own. Whether it’s a Christmas Eve pizza night or a new game to play after lunch, creating something unique to your relationship can make the season even more special.