If anecdotes and rom-coms are to be believed, grooms have things pretty easy when it comes to wedding planning. Traditionally, after picking out a rock and dropping to one knee, there’s not a lot for grooms to do — bar showing up at the end of the aisle looking sharp. However, the times they are a’changing, with more grooms every year pitching in instead of tuning out when it comes to wedding planning.
We chatted with some of Easy Weddings’ wonderful real grooms about their role in their weddings, the things they care about, and the things that aren’t even on their radar (“what even is a champagne tower?”). Read on to learn how much the average groom contributes to their wedding day, plus a few cheeky tips to encourage spouses who are less than eager to contribute their time or ideas.
If you’re in need of some more advice for your wedding, head over to the Easy Weddings Instagram and send us a DM — we’re here to help! Our Expert Advice page is also filled with insightful answers from our amazing suppliers.
get help planning your weddingSo, how much are grooms really pitching in?
While more grooms than ever are looking to get involved and make wedding planning a collaborative process, this change is gradual. When asked how much wedding planning they participated in, a whopping 78% of grooms surveyed conceded that they were involved with “some, but not much” or “barely any” of the pre-wedding work. A shout out to 3% of grooms who took the reins and planned the majority of their wedding solo!
We spoke to Patrick, a real groom preparing for his February 2023 wedding. Patrick, like 19% of grooms, shared the planning responsibilities evenly with his partner. “I wanted to contribute to the aspects of our wedding where I could bring the most value,” explains Patrick. “I work in project management within the construction business, so I’m pretty big on lists. I contributed by keeping track of our deposits and forecasting our spending while my future wife handled a lot of the design-related tasks. We made big decisions, like our celebrant, together.”
“I would have liked to have pitched in more,” says James, another groom we spoke with, who wed in October 2022. “However, once we started planning, I realised how out of my depth I was. To be fair, both my partner and I were, so we hired a wedding planner and left it to the professionals! I like to think that the division of labour was fairly even after that. We knew what we wanted, but we definitely both needed some help to make it happen.”
The most important element of the wedding for grooms
Our aisle-eager grooms weren’t shy in telling us what they really cared about when it came to getting married! 27% of our surveyed grooms told us, “I would happily elope — I just want to be married!” All together now: “Awww!”
Even sweeter, many grooms responded that they most cared about keeping their partner happy in the wedding planning process. “In the lead up to my wedding, I cared most about making sure my now wife was happy, rather than worrying about any specifics,” says James. “Now, post-wedding, I understand how many different elements there were to care about.”
Also high on the priority list were the venue at 16.4% and the food at 18.5%. Our grooms reported that they wanted their guests to have a good time and to feel like their money was well spent. “I’m looking forward to celebrating with our friends and family the most,” says Patrick of his upcoming celebration. “Plus, of course, seeing my partner for the first time in her wedding dress.”
When asked if they expect to cry in their wedding ceremony or first look moment, 41.67% of grooms said they would definitely be letting the tears flow!
What our grooms couldn’t care less about
“It’s not that I don’t care about design elements like the invitations and styling. My fiancé just has much better taste than me, so I’ll leave that to her!” laughs Patrick.
For our surveyed grooms, dancing and outfits were at the bottom of the priority list, with just 2% and 5% of respondents listing them as elements they cared about. James agrees with this sentiment, “I wanted to look nice for the wedding day, but finding my suit was nowhere near as stressful for me as it was for my wife finding her dress.”
James continues, “I didn’t really care about the opinions of others as much as my wife did in making plans for our wedding. I wanted people to have a good time, but at the end of the day, it was our celebration.”
Stress factors
Weddings are notorious for being stressful, but perhaps not for grooms! The most popular response from grooms, when asked about their biggest wedding day stresses, was, “I’m not stressed, just excited!” This enthusiasm was reported by 31.7% of respondents, while a further 28.2% reported feeling a bit nervous about having all the attention on them. One respondent added, “There was really nothing to be stressed about. My wife and her mother planned everything.”
“We handled our stress factors together,” says Patrick. “One cause of stress was that we changed our entire venue mid-way through planning! When we went to see our venue the first time, my partner and I loved it, but upon returning, we knew it wasn’t for us. We made the decision together to start again with a whole new venue. It helps that my partner and I are on the same page.”
James expressed a similar experience, “It would be a bit of a concern if we couldn’t lean on each other to handle pre-wedding stress. For the most part, I didn’t worry about things until my wife told me I needed to, though!”
Pre-wedding events and bucks nights
Traditionally, bachelor parties and bucks nights are seen as a last hurrah before a man weds. However, in recent years, new takes on bucks celebrations have emerged. While 74.5% of grooms reported that they would be having a bucks night in the lead-up to their wedding, joint pre-wedding events have had a surge in popularity. 10.2% of grooms surveyed were planning to have a combined hens and bucks party.
“I wish I had a more low-key bucks party,” reflects James. “It was fun and had all the elements you would expect from a bucks celebration, but it really wasn’t me. A friend of mine recently got married, and he opted for a guys’ camping trip with his closest mates. I wish I had thought to ask for something like that.”
Encouraging a reluctant spouse to get involved in wedding planning
Planning a wedding can be a fun and meaningful bonding experience for a couple. Combining elements of both of your personalities to design a party tailor-made for the two of you? What could be more fun! That said, some partners feel reluctant to get involved, which can result in an uneven division of tasks. Here are our top tips for encouraging a reluctant partner to pitch in with wedding planning.
- More involvement = more enjoyment. “It was so exciting seeing things we had planned and talked about coming to reality for our guests to enjoy,” says James. Remind your partner that the more they contribute to the day, the more likely it is to reflect their wishes.
- Encourage your partner to play to their strengths. Like Patrick, many grooms don’t want to be asked to contribute to aspects of the wedding where they feel their assistance won’t be of any real value. Instead, encourage your partner to pitch in on tasks they have genuine expertise in.
- Try not to shoot down ideas. As tempting as it might be to shoot down questionable ideas, try to approach all suggestions with a level of diplomacy to prevent demotivating your partner.
- Set expectations. Planning a wedding is a huge task, especially when both partners are working full-time. If you feel your partner might be prone to dragging their feet with wedding planning, set a clear expectation from the outset. Divide tasks evenly and openly discuss the division of labour.
