How to (politely) say, “NO kids at our wedding!”

Are you planning a child-free wedding? Or maybe a child-free reception following a kids-allowed ceremony? Maybe you’re thinking of a child-free wedding with a few important exceptions for your favourite little ones. Whatever the plan, we’re here to help.

Let’s address the elephant in the room: people can get funny about kid-free weddings — and not “funny ha ha”. Navigating this delicate subject can be tricky, but with a bit of tact and clear communication, you can handle it gracefully. In this guide, we’ll provide tips and strategies to politely inform your guests about your child-free wedding, ensuring that everyone understands and respects your decision.

When to say it

Deciding when to inform your guests about your child-free wedding is crucial. Here are some suggestions on how to communicate this gracefully.

In Your Invitations

Your wedding invitations are the perfect place to clearly state your child-free policy. Including a simple, polite note can set the right expectations from the beginning. Make sure this information is easy to find, perhaps on a separate information card or in a dedicated section of your invitation suite.

On the Phone

For guests who might need a bit more of a personal touch, giving them a heads-up over the phone before sending out the invitations can be very considerate. This approach allows you to explain your decision directly and address any immediate concerns or questions they might have. A friendly call can go a long way in preventing any misunderstandings or hurt feelings.

In Person

For those guests who you anticipate might be particularly upset or disappointed by your decision, having an in-person conversation can be the best approach. This shows that you respect their feelings and gives you the chance to explain your reasons in a more heartfelt manner. Choose a calm, private setting to discuss this, and be prepared to listen to their concerns with empathy.

What to say

In Your Invitation

Use these easy options to succinctly communicate your choice for a child-free wedding in your wedding invitation. These leave no wriggle room for confusion! 

• “We respectfully request an adults-only celebration.”
• “Our wedding will be a child-free event.”
• “Join us for an adults-only evening.”
• “Due to venue restrictions, no children, please.”
• “An adults-only reception to follow.”
• “We appreciate your understanding that our wedding is for adults only.”
• “Please join us in a kid-free celebration.”
• “Adult guests only, please.”
• “Celebrate with us at our child-free wedding.”
• “We kindly request no children at our wedding.”
• “Our wedding day will be for grown-ups only.”
• “Enjoy an adults-only celebration with us.”
• “We are hosting an adults-only ceremony and reception.”
• “Our wedding will be a child-free affair.”
• “Thank you for respecting our wish for an adults-only celebration.”

In 1:1 conversation

In-person conversations can be a little trickier and require more tact. These phrases will help you stand firm in your choice while being empathetic towards to your guests reactions.

• “We love your kids, but we want everyone to relax and enjoy an adults-only evening.”
• “We wanted to let you know ahead of time, so that you have enough time to find childcare — here are some options near the venue.”
• “We hope you understand, but we’ve decided to have a child-free wedding.”
• “We want our wedding to be an adult-focused celebration.”
• “To keep things simple, we’re having an adults-only event.”
• “We’ve chosen a child-free wedding to ensure a relaxed evening for everyone.”
• “Our venue can’t accommodate children, so it’ll be an adults-only wedding.”
• “We’re keeping the guest list limited to adults to make the evening more enjoyable.”
• “We hope it’s not too inconvenient, but we’ve planned a child-free celebration.”
• “For a more intimate atmosphere, we’ve decided not to include children at the wedding.”
• “Our wedding will be an adults-only occasion.”
• “We’re looking forward to celebrating with our adult friends and family.”
• “For safety reasons, we’re not able to have children at the venue.”
• “We’ve decided to keep the wedding child-free to keep things simple.”
• “We hope you can still join us, even though we’ve chosen to have a child-free event.”

Help! Common kid-free wedding FAQs.

“My nieces and I have had a strong bond since they were born. I can’t imagine my wedding day without them. I want a child-free wedding otherwise though. How do I navigate my friends and family members who feel that I’ve set a double standard?”

Navigating this situation can be tricky, but it’s important to be honest and empathetic. Start by explaining to your friends and family how much your nieces mean to you and how you’ve always envisioned them being part of your wedding day. Sharing your personal connection and your special bond with them can help others understand why you’ve made this exception. Make it clear that this decision wasn’t made lightly and that you appreciate everyone’s understanding and support.

Next, acknowledge that you understand it might seem like a double standard and reassure them that their feelings are important to you. Emphasize that the overall child-free policy is to ensure a relaxed atmosphere and manageable event size, but your nieces hold a unique place in your heart. Let them know that you value their presence and hope they can appreciate your perspective. A little empathy and open communication can go a long way in helping your guests feel respected and included.

“I’ve set boundaries for my child-free wedding, but I feel like my cousins might disrespect my wishes and bring their kids anyway! I’ve already heard through my mum that they’re thinking of doing so. How do I handle this if they show up on the day?”

Setting boundaries for your child-free wedding is important, and it can be frustrating to hear that your cousins might disregard your wishes. To handle this gracefully, it’s best to address the issue before the big day. Have a direct and polite conversation with your cousins, reiterating your decision and explaining why it’s important to you. Express that you’ve heard they might be planning to bring their kids and kindly ask them to respect your wishes to ensure everyone enjoys the celebration as planned.

If, despite your efforts, they still show up with their children on the day of the wedding, have a plan in place. Consider designating a trusted friend or family member to gently remind them of the child-free policy and suggest a nearby activity or childcare option where their kids can stay during the event. This way, you can maintain the atmosphere you envisioned for your wedding without having to personally handle the situation amidst your celebration.

“One of my closest friends was super excited for our wedding… until we told her it’s a child-free celebration. She cooled off straight away, and now she’s saying she might not be able to make it at all if she can’t bring her kids.”

It’s really tough when a close friend reacts this way, especially when you want her to share in your excitement. Firstly, it’s important to acknowledge her feelings. Maybe start by saying something like, “I understand how challenging it can be to make arrangements for the kids, and I really appreciate how excited you were for our wedding.”

Then, gently reiterate why you’ve chosen a child-free celebration. You could say, “We decided to go with a child-free wedding to create a certain atmosphere and to make it easier for everyone to relax and enjoy themselves.” Emphasise how much her presence means to you and suggest some solutions, like, “I know it’s a bit tricky, but maybe we can look into a babysitter or a nearby childcare option for the day? I’d really love for you to be there.

See how she reacts to you suggesting possible solutions. If she seems cut off and stubborn, then back off. If she seems to be open to finding a solution, this is an opportunity for you to be a gracious and understanding friend — while still maintaining your boundary.