There’s really no way to sugarcoat it: Weddings bring out the best and worst in people. Because of this, there are many weird, awkward and uncomfortable situations that may arise throughout the planning process and on the day itself. Here’s how to deal with them.
Whether you’re tackling the etiquette of plus-ones or wondering how to break up with a toxic bridal party member, just remember that you’re not alone in your experiences — our Instagram DMs are always filled with messages from real couples facing the same issues. To help, we’ve answered your most-asked questions about dealing with tricky and uncomfortable wedding scenarios.
Is it weird to invite people to our bucks and hens if they’re not invited to the wedding?
Not at all! Inviting friends to your bucks or hens is a nice way to get people together and have a mini celebration, regardless of whether they’re coming to the wedding or not. As long as you’re upfront and let them know that your wedding is an intimate celebration, but you’d love to have them join you for the hen’s or buck’s, there should be no issues.
“We often have people at our hens and bucks parties who aren’t coming to the wedding,” the team at Clay Sydney says. “Just be really open and honest about wanting to have a good time with them, but you are limited on numbers for the big day. People are more understanding than you think!”
According to the lovely folks over at Trolley’d, the best way to approach this situation is to be transparent from the offset.”Let them know you’re organising a fun pre-wedding celebration, that you’re keen for them to be involved in some of the wedding festivities, but you’re limiting the guest list to the wedding for whatever reason.”
How can I include a close friend in the wedding if they aren’t in the bridal party?
Deciding who to include in your bridal party can be tricky, especially if you have lots of close friends and family members. If there’s a relative or friend that you’d like to include in your wedding, but not necessarily in a bridesmaid or groomsman-type role, here are some other ways to make them feel special and appreciated:
- Ask them to give a reading at your ceremony
- Invite them to get ready with you
- They could be a witness or an usher
- Ask them to take candid snaps with a Polaroid camera
- Have flower friends instead of flower girls
- Ask them to control the music for the ceremony
- If they’re comfortable with it, ask them to be the MC
- Involve them in wedding planning tasks — organising stationery or signage etc.
- Ask them to hand out rose petals or confetti to guests before you walk back down the aisle
How can we tactfully uninvite people from our wedding?
It’s always challenging to downsize your wedding guest list, no matter the circumstances. The key is to be honest and tell your guests as soon as possible. Most people are understanding and know wedding planning is a complicated process!
According to the team at Felicitations, you should try to personalise each message when uninviting guests and meet face to face if you can. Taking the time to explain in person will help them process things and better understand your decision. Offering alternative celebrations, such as dinners in smaller groups or even sending out a virtual link for them to watch your ceremony on the day, is a great way to make them still feel included.
If you’re wondering how to communicate with guests about uninviting them, here are some examples of potential wording you could use:
- Downsizing your guest list: We wanted to reach out as soon as possible to let you know that after much consideration, we’ve made the difficult decision to downsize our wedding. Unfortunately, this means we can’t accommodate for the [X amount] guests we initially invited! Instead, we will be having a small celebration with just close friends and family. Sorry we won’t be able to have you there on the day — we’re grateful to have you in our lives and hope to celebrate with you at a later date.
- Uninviting someone you are no longer friends with: I just wanted to reach out and ask that you please not attend our upcoming wedding. Due to your recent behaviour, in which you [explain reasons], myself and [partner] have agreed that it would be inappropriate for you to attend the wedding. While this has been a difficult decision to make, we just want to share our special day with those closest to us. We hope you understand.
How do I tell my dad I don’t want him to walk me down the aisle?
According to Queensland celebrant Narelle Spencer, a positive approach is best if you need to break the news to your dad that he won’t be accompanying you down the aisle. “I would recommend a simple and positive approach by letting him know it is not about him but you as an individual,” explains Narelle.
“If there is someone else you want to walk you down the aisle, maybe you can talk about the importance of your relationship with this person. If you simply want to walk down the aisle by yourself to your partner, then talk about what this means to you — i.e. the significance of you coming to your partner as an individual and leaving as a couple.”
A few of our amazing celebrants weighed in on this topic — you can read more of their expert advice here.
What’s the best way to break up with a bridesmaid?
A lot can change between the time you choose your bridesmaids to when you finally tie the knot, and while it doesn’t often happen, planning a wedding can take a toll on friendships and bring out the worst in people. If it gets to breaking point and you need to ask your friend to step down from being your bridesmaid, remember to approach the situation with compassion and respect if you don’t want to lose the friendship altogether.
Perth celebrant Steve Mummery suggests having the conversation face-to-face if you can. “Tell your bridesmaid how you’re feeling without accusing her of anything — chances are she might not even be aware of it. Give her a chance to lift her game,” Steve explains. “After that, if she doesn’t lift her game and things still don’t work out, at least she had some warning. Explain that you don’t need any added stress in the lead-up to and on your big day, and you no longer want her to be part of your bridal party.”
I was in the wedding party for a friend a long time ago, but we’re no longer close. Do I have to ask them to be in my wedding party?
Being in your wedding party is an honour that should be reserved for friends and family you’re closest with now — don’t feel obligated to ask someone to be in your bridal party just because you were in theirs!
Chances are, they won’t even expect to be asked if you don’t talk much or see each other as often as you used to. They also probably won’t know your other bridal party members if they’re not a big part of your life anymore, which would make it a pretty awkward experience.
Do I have to give my single guests a plus-one?
Not necessarily! Most couples extend plus-one invitations to friends and family members in serious or long-term relationships, especially if they don’t know the primary guest’s partner very well. If your budget doesn’t allow for an extra 20 or 30 guests, remind yourself that it’s your day to spend with your closest loved ones, and don’t feel bad for leaving any of the following people off your plus-one list:
- New couples or those who are casually dating
- Single guests who know most of the other attendees
- Coworkers
Whether you draw the line at couples who live together or couples who have been together for six months or more is up to you, but we recommend staying consistent so that no one’s feelings are hurt. Check out this in-depth guide for more advice about plus-ones at weddings.
Do I have to invite kids to my wedding?
Whether or not you invite children to your wedding is entirely up to you and your partner — it’s your day and should be exactly the way you want it. If you do choose not to have kids there, we suggest keeping these tips in mind for planning a child-free wedding while also being considerate of your loved ones:
- Let guests know early so they can organise childcare arrangements
- Communicate clearly and politely on your invitations or wedding website
- Be consistent and let guests know if you plan just to have immediate family members like nieces and nephews at the wedding
- Consider special exceptions, for example, guests with newborn babies or those who will be travelling a long distance to attend your wedding
If you’re in need of some more advice for your wedding, head over to the Easy Weddings Instagram and send us a DM — we’re here to help! Our Expert Advice page is also filled with insightful answers from our amazing suppliers.
