is it wrong to play sad songs at weddings? or songs about break ups

Have always had to adjust my lists for weddings as I do know a few sad songs that sound really good! However it's really up to you, I tend to steer away from them and try to bring in more romantic, and upbeat songs as well, at the end of the day if you want to hear some specific songs that may be slower tempo and sadder then I can definitely cater for that :) 

This is really a philosophical question because we are talking about jinxes, superstitions, imprecation, and spiritual beliefs (if I understand you correctly - reading between the lines). In the field of music psychology it is known that words are powerful and mood evoking. I agree with psychologists who say that you should never curse yourself, for example. One should never say, 'I'm so stupid' or words like, 'I wish I were dead'. These are terrible things to say and this form of self-cursing, in my view is destructive and psychosocially damaging.  On the other hand when Sting wrote, ‘Every move you make, I’ll be watching you’, I’m sure he said it in jest with his tongue in his check. I’m sure he did not seriously intend people to believe that he intended to take up ‘Stalking’ as a hobby.

Did you know that there are some notable performing artists / song writers, who refused to write songs about their wives, girlfriend, boyfriends, husbands etc., for the fear that they would "jinx" their relationships?

Yes, I agree that we need to take care about the sub-conscious effects of words. On the other hand, there are songs that speak of breaking up and in my view harmless because the only message conveyed by the song’s author is, the sorrow of being left alone. These forms of, ‘Lamentation‘ are simply heart rending expressions of sorrow that come from honesty and vulnerability. Music is a platform in my view for expression of joy and sorrow. It is said that the “blues” is a healer. I don’t agree that all music and every song should be a happy, clappy one. Music is a platform of expression and should allow for deep expression of sorrow as well as joy. To ignore feelings of sorry and such, is, in my view, unhealthy, both in community and in one’s personal life. We are all equipped with mechanism for self-healing – weeping, mourning, etc. If one has had sorry in one’s life then one can truly celebrate happiness.  

A song that comes from a traumatic breakup can convey healing and the listener enters into the ‘healing’ too, and feels empathy and compassion for the one who ‘laments’. This too is healthy.  

It seems to me that this is more a question of context: most would agree that singing ‘House of the Rising Sun” (a song about a brothel), while the bride comes down the aisle is just plain out of context and inappropriate – not because of some belief that the subject matter may evoke some curse upon the marriage; rather, because it inappropriately evokes the wrong images at the wrong time. It’s like telling a joke at a funeral. There is nothing wrong with humour per say, even at a time of mourning, but one just simply doesn’t do such a thing because it is inappropriate.

A song about a break-up provides an opportunity for the listener to contemplate the sorrow of the singer and perhaps even feel gratitude for having love themselves.

My answer is that it is more about context. I’m not going to tell a joke at a funeral for the aforementioned reasons.

I personally would not sing a ‘breakup’ song for the first dance of the bridal couple – not because I fear that I will ‘jinx’ the marriage – rather, that’s it’s just not appropriate and out of context.

 A sad song will evoke a response from a listener. When I was playing piano in a particular resort some years ago, a guest at the hotel wrote to the general manager, an email prior to arriving, instructing all musicians and DJs not to sing/play, ‘Fields of Gold’ by Sting. A beautiful song, in most people’s view. It was revealed that the guest had been to a funeral and this song had been sung and did not want to be upset by hearing the song again. There is nothing wrong with the song itself but for the listener, there was everything wrong with it, for a time.

Having said all that; there are songs that I will not sing as an entertainer myself, because the lyrical content contains terribly destructive self-imprecating words. This is my personal view, of course. Other singers may find it amusing to sing such songs as a send-up, not taking the words seriously.

In conclusion: I agree that it’s important what words we say about ourselves and to ourselves through the music we listen too, but understanding the correct context of the words and understanding these expressions – how they have their place in community and our personal lives – is a matter for consideration too.

In closing: if there are songs that particularly upset, offend, or effect your emotions; talk to the musicians or DJs. You will find most professionals will fully understand. If you have religious beliefs that need particular consideration; again, talk to the musician or DJ.

For example, I am playing for a wedding next year in a catholic ceremony. I will need a particular sensibility to song choices. Some of the Wesleyan hymns are approved as ecumenical and requires a particular entertainer to suggest choices appropriate. Similarly with Jewish Weddings, there are songs for orthodox Jews that require a particular pronunciation of the name of G/d. These of course, are unique examples, but to illustrate a point. One can never be too careful when it comes to culture, etc. too.

 I hope these onions of mine, are helpful.

Like others have mentioned, it's probably not a good idea to bring down the mood too much, remember it's a happy occasion and you want people to have fun and be merry. However, I can think of some sad songs that are actually quite appropriate too:

You've Lost That Lovin Feeling, You Don't Treat Me No Good No More, Careless Whisper, I Will Survive, Nothing Compares To You, I Will Always Love You, Every Breath You Take... etc

If you listen to the lyrics, they are about loss and breaking up, but I've never had any complaints!

It depends what part of the night you are referring to, if it is just for general music like dinner or dancing then it doesn't matter however for your important songs like your Bridal Dance or Walking Down the Aisle then we find that the words and feeling do matter. Normally we only listen to melodies until we get married then we look closer at the words of a song.

Regards

Trent

Impression DJs

It is fine to play some poignant or moving music at a wedding especially at the ceremony.

Some classical music for example, is poignant, and emotive but not 'sad'.

I would steer away from 'breakup' songs. Looking forward to assisting you wth a beautiful selection of music.

Great question!  It's your wedding so you can do what you like.  If songs are special to you then it will be special if the songs are deivered in the right setting.  I've payed sad songs in memory of loved ones who have past and tears were flowing and it was so beautiful.  We have played an original song for a lovely couple whereby the lyrics referred to the grooms mother who had past.   I get goose bumps when I think about that moment.  He broke down in tears, his family and new wife comforted him and he looked up and smiled.  Real human emotion is beatiful and a wedding is filled with it.  Let the tears flow and if it special to you, it will be a special part of your wedding.  Regards Casey 

If it's your wedding, it's up to you as you're the bride! It's not a particularly popular theme to play at a wedding, as generally upbeat or romantic music is played. But if you're planning a wedding and want something less cheery, more power to you.