Roxy Hotten - Celebrant

Roxy Hotten - Celebrant

Yep, vows can be a bit tricky at first.  But once you get going, you'll be fine.  My suggestions are:

Take a deep breath, pour yourself a beverage (alcoholic or otherwise depending on your preference) and ask yourself the following questions and write down your answers:

Why do you love your partner?  How would you describe him/her to a stranger?  What do they do that makes them different to anyone else you’ve ever been with?

What do you want to promise them you’ll always do throughout your relationship?  Do you have some flaws that you will try to improve?  Do they have some flaws you’ll promise to overlook? If in the future you have hard times, what do you promise to always do during this period?

Where do you see your future together?  What support will  you give them to reach these goals?

Does your partner have children, or do you already have children together – of the fur or non-fur variety – if so, what kind of parent/step-parent do you promise to be?

Forget your audience

Try to forget your audience. Write your vows for your partner and not for your guests.  This may sound obvious, but I think it’s easy get hung up on ‘will people laugh’ or ‘will my friends and family think these romantic enough’.  Imagine it’s just you and your partner, and you’re getting one chance to really explain to them exactly what you promise to do throughout your married life together.

It is also worth writing your vows as close to the ceremony date as possible. This might sound a bit ‘what the ….?!’ but writing your vows too far in advance can lead to over-editing and ending up with something which sounds insincere or over-written.

I also provide the option to couples of sharing their vows with me prior to the ceremony.  Getting a second opinion can really help and can give you the assurance you need that you’ve written the right words.

If you’re completely freaking out…

You don’t have to have personalised vows.  If you find that the thought of sharing your feelings about your partner in front of your friends and family excruciating and it’s going to outweigh any enjoyment of your ceremony, then don’t feel pressured to do it.  If you want to omit this part of the ceremony, you may wish to consider other alternatives, which could be 1) share your personalised vows with your partner after the ceremony when it’s just the two of you, 2) opt for something more standard and less personal (there’s a plethora of options on the internet or I can help you) or 3) write something yourself but ask your celebrant to read them out for you.

Although the sharing of personalised vows can be one of the highlights of the ceremony, don’t let this part of your day overly stress you.  A good celebrant will make this aspect of your ceremony a truly magic aspect of your day and will support you through the process.  

Roxy Hotten - Celebrant

Hi Keira,

As a celebrant, I think it's completely appropriate to ask your celebrant to avoid certain colours and give them an indication of your colour scheme. I have a million frocks (slightly exaggeration...) and have nearly something for every occasion. I recently did a wedding where I didn't have something for the specific colour scheme, so I bought a scarf and a bangle which incorporated it.

I think it varies from celebrant to celebrant; some wear the same outfit or a have only a couple of options which they always wear, and I would suggest that if you're very specific about what you want them to wear, they may ask for a contribution towards an outfit if it's something they don't already have. For me, I love it when people ask, and I completely understand the need to have your celebrant looking great for your ceremony. The only time I would charge would be if it was something very specific for a themed wedding, such as a Princess Leia outfit or similar!

Good luck!

Cheers

Roxy Hotten

Roxy Hotten - Celebrant

That are a few possible reasons; 1) many couples would not have even kissed prior to their wedding, so this would be their first (no pressure to get it right, eh?!) and 2) the Romans used a kiss as a way of sealing a contract.

However, you don't have to have a kiss. In fact, I've had couples do a high five, shake hands, or have a shot of tequila.